The alleged wife-beating case involving OM Puri is the latest in a gory sequence where a supposedly cultured manhas thrashed his spouse. We examine why it happens times and again, in exalted circles. If they have witnessed domestic abuse in their family, through their parents or grandparents, this makes the men believe that domestic abuse is all right and they are likely to develop this habit too.
Kapil Sibal, Law Minister So let's be clear. Legislations are a message that MPs are on the side of women in a patriarchal society.With this intent we bring this (Marriage Law Amendment) Bill There are many cases where men and women resort to, or put up with, physical or verbal assault because of agitated depression or an unresolved conflict which has been lying dormant for a long time.
Of course, domestic abuse isn't the answer, but their minds justify their actions as the right move. It is possible that these issues were always a part of their life, and the partner bears the brunt of it; or these issues become more prominent after marriage.
So for instance, if his or her spouse corrects the abuser for a fault, the instance acts as a trigger and slowly develops into an assault.
In cases of domestic abuse, both the men and women are seen to have a mental conflict; a psychological imbalance of the mind. While their issues are latent, quite often marriage pulls the trigger.
Domestic abuse affects both the subservient and the aggressive: The abuser is most of the times seen to be suffering from an agitated state of mind while the woman's confidence takes a beating.
Our patriarchal society also has a role to play, it is inherent; it instinctively rules our lives.
Our society makes men conditioned to think that women are the inferior ones. If they have witnessed a case of domestic abuse in their family, through their parents or grandparents, this makes them believe that domestic abuse is all right and they are likely to develop this habit too. As children, this impacts their lives, and as they cannot understand the good from the bad, they are forced to believe that abuse is the right thing to do. This distorted perception about relationships affects their thought process and they justify their actions.
I have witnessed a few cases where I have seen men who are angry because their mothers have accepted abuse. This resentment stays with them, and sometimes they resort to abuse because of the guilt. A woman's success is sadly another factor for abuse. An accomplished woman, sometimes, intimidates a man. They are conditioned to think of the role of a woman as a nurturer, since they could have witnessed their mothers playing the same role, and not as a woman who makes big bucks.
They are yet to accept the shift in roles and treat women as equals. If a man cannot deal with his wife's success, or lacks the confidence, he resorts to physical abuse to display his power. Or if he lacks confidence, he finds the need to show it on his spouse.
Though women may be independent and hard-working, a broken home is always seen as a social stigma. Our society dictates that leaving a marriage because of a traumatising spouse is not good enough.
No matter how modern we consider ourselves to be, many parents, even today, do not want their daughters to leave the marriage. Among the cases that I have dealt with, only five per cent to seven per cent of parents really want their children to come back.
The truth is that the woman really works hard to make her marriage work. So a lot of times, even accomplished or successful women will put up with abuse because they want to make their marriage work.
Until, of course, their patience dries up and they decide to finally walk out of it.
If a marriage runs into a problem, it makes sense to part ways and move on. However, the abusers do not see this as a solution. They would rather make their partner suffer than end the marriage.
It is a myth that domestic abuse affects the lower strata of society; and caste, creed. education or lack of it has got nothing to do with it. Many of our values are imbibed from our society and not many want to go against it. Sadly, it will take generations for abuse to get erased from our society .
As told to Julie Sam Seema Hingorrany is a clinical psychologist T he Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 was brought into force from October 26, 2006. This Act differs from Section 498A of the IPC, in that it explicitly defines domestic violence in addition to dowry-related cruelty.
The legislation was sorely needed in the face of some chilling statistics: Around 70 per cent of women are victims of domestic violence.
A crime against a woman is committed every three minutes, a woman is raped every 29 minutes, a dowry death occurs every 77 minutes, and a case of cruelty committed by either the husband or relative of the victim occurs every nine minutes.
Domestic violence is defined as follows: (a) habitually assaults or makes the life of the aggrieved person miserable by cruelty of conduct even if such conduct does not amount to physical ill-treatment; or (b) forces the aggrieved person to lead an immoral life; or (c) injures or harms the aggrieved person.
Nothing contained in clause (c) of sub-section (1) shall amount to domestic violence if the pursuit of course of conduct by the respondent was reasonable for his own protection or for the protection of his or another's property .
It is primarily meant to provide protection to the wife or female live-in partner from domestic violence at the hands of the husband or male live-in partner or his relatives. The law also extends its protection to women living in a household such as sisters, widows or mothers. Domestic violence includes actual abuse or the threat of abuse whether physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or economic. It also covers harassment by way of dowry demands. CHARLES SAATCHI AND NIGELLA LAWSON In June Lawson left her mari tal home following the very public assault by husband Charles Saatchi.She has had a traumatic time since photos emerged of her husband with his hand around her neck, for which Saatchi has accepted a police caution, and they have barely spoken to one another since. The couple have been granted a decree nisi. CHRIS BROWN & RIHANNA R&B singer Brown pleaded guilty in June 2009 to assault ing his former girlfriend and pop star Rihanna in February of that year. Brown's lawyers secured a last-minute deal that allowed him to avoid jail time and another public air ing of the domestic-violence allegations that had damaged his clean-cut image. Brown bit, punched and choked Rihanna after a pre-Grammy Awards party. BOBBY BROWN Singer Bobby Brown was charged with domestic vio lence after a December 2003 dispute with his then-wife Whitney Houston. Authorities reported that the incident left Houston, who is also a singer, with facial injuries. Brown turned himself in after cops were called to the couple's home. Houston's spokesperson later released a statement that read, “Brown is very apolo getic about what happened and hopes his wife forgives him.“
Charlie Sheen In 1996, Sheen, an actor, plead ed no contest to a misdemeanor charge of battery with serious bodily injury after he was accused of knocking then girlfriend Brittany Ashland to the floor. In 2011, accounts of battery resurfaced with his then-estranged wife Brook Mueller. Mueller alleged Sheen threatened her life and made anti-Semitic comments, how ever, the actor escaped arrest.
Tommy Lee pleaded no contest in April 1998 to a felony charge of spousal battery against his wife, former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson. Lee received a three-year suspended sen tence, was required to spend 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a total of $6,200 to a shelter for battered women. Anderson, who filed for divorce shortly after the incident, reportedly had hoped her husband would be spared jail time. YUKTA MOOKHEY The former Miss World has lodged an FIR against her hus band Prince Tuli, New York based businessman, for alleged domestic violence. An FIR has been registered under Section 498A (cruelty and harassment) and Section 377 (unnatural sex) of IPC. No arrest has been made. so far, the police said.
K.B. GANESH KUMAR IN A major embarrassment for Kerala Chief Minister Oommen Chandy, forests minister Ganesh Kumar and wife Yamini traded domestic violence charges.In his divorce plea, Kumar alleged that beaten up by his wife in front of his personal staff. Yamini hit back in a press conference saying that it was she who had been the victim of domestic violence for the last 16 years for questioning “illicit affairs“ of her husband. ZEENAT AMAN Zeenat Aman, the 70's siren's marriage to small time actor Mazhar Khan was far from peaceful. Aman used to be beaten up by her husband, which ultimately led to a divorce. Once, he even allegedly hit her at a party while guests watched.
Darshan Kannada film actor Darshan was arrested after his wife Vijayalaxmi accused him of domestic violence. The artiste allegedly threatened his wife and three-year-old son Vineeh at gun point following an argument.
Rahul Mahajan In 2008, Rahul Mahajan and Shweta Singh called off their marriage after two-and-a-half months; Shweta claimed she had been assaulted on a number of occasions. After one incident, Rahul left Shweta with a cut lip.
Dimpy Ganguly In 2010, Kolkata-based model Dimpy Ganguly walked out of her four-month-old marriage to Rahul Mahajan alleging domestic violence. SHWETA TIWARI Shweta Tiwari, who was once married to actor Raja Chowdhary, filed a police case against her husband three days before entering the Bigg Boss house. According to the actress, Raja used to hit her often when they were married.
by deccanchronicle
Kapil Sibal, Law Minister So let's be clear. Legislations are a message that MPs are on the side of women in a patriarchal society.With this intent we bring this (Marriage Law Amendment) Bill There are many cases where men and women resort to, or put up with, physical or verbal assault because of agitated depression or an unresolved conflict which has been lying dormant for a long time.
Of course, domestic abuse isn't the answer, but their minds justify their actions as the right move. It is possible that these issues were always a part of their life, and the partner bears the brunt of it; or these issues become more prominent after marriage.
So for instance, if his or her spouse corrects the abuser for a fault, the instance acts as a trigger and slowly develops into an assault.
In cases of domestic abuse, both the men and women are seen to have a mental conflict; a psychological imbalance of the mind. While their issues are latent, quite often marriage pulls the trigger.
Domestic abuse affects both the subservient and the aggressive: The abuser is most of the times seen to be suffering from an agitated state of mind while the woman's confidence takes a beating.
Our patriarchal society also has a role to play, it is inherent; it instinctively rules our lives.
Our society makes men conditioned to think that women are the inferior ones. If they have witnessed a case of domestic abuse in their family, through their parents or grandparents, this makes them believe that domestic abuse is all right and they are likely to develop this habit too. As children, this impacts their lives, and as they cannot understand the good from the bad, they are forced to believe that abuse is the right thing to do. This distorted perception about relationships affects their thought process and they justify their actions.
I have witnessed a few cases where I have seen men who are angry because their mothers have accepted abuse. This resentment stays with them, and sometimes they resort to abuse because of the guilt. A woman's success is sadly another factor for abuse. An accomplished woman, sometimes, intimidates a man. They are conditioned to think of the role of a woman as a nurturer, since they could have witnessed their mothers playing the same role, and not as a woman who makes big bucks.
They are yet to accept the shift in roles and treat women as equals. If a man cannot deal with his wife's success, or lacks the confidence, he resorts to physical abuse to display his power. Or if he lacks confidence, he finds the need to show it on his spouse.
Though women may be independent and hard-working, a broken home is always seen as a social stigma. Our society dictates that leaving a marriage because of a traumatising spouse is not good enough.
No matter how modern we consider ourselves to be, many parents, even today, do not want their daughters to leave the marriage. Among the cases that I have dealt with, only five per cent to seven per cent of parents really want their children to come back.
The truth is that the woman really works hard to make her marriage work. So a lot of times, even accomplished or successful women will put up with abuse because they want to make their marriage work.
Until, of course, their patience dries up and they decide to finally walk out of it.
If a marriage runs into a problem, it makes sense to part ways and move on. However, the abusers do not see this as a solution. They would rather make their partner suffer than end the marriage.
It is a myth that domestic abuse affects the lower strata of society; and caste, creed. education or lack of it has got nothing to do with it. Many of our values are imbibed from our society and not many want to go against it. Sadly, it will take generations for abuse to get erased from our society .
As told to Julie Sam Seema Hingorrany is a clinical psychologist T he Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 was brought into force from October 26, 2006. This Act differs from Section 498A of the IPC, in that it explicitly defines domestic violence in addition to dowry-related cruelty.
The legislation was sorely needed in the face of some chilling statistics: Around 70 per cent of women are victims of domestic violence.
A crime against a woman is committed every three minutes, a woman is raped every 29 minutes, a dowry death occurs every 77 minutes, and a case of cruelty committed by either the husband or relative of the victim occurs every nine minutes.
Domestic violence is defined as follows: (a) habitually assaults or makes the life of the aggrieved person miserable by cruelty of conduct even if such conduct does not amount to physical ill-treatment; or (b) forces the aggrieved person to lead an immoral life; or (c) injures or harms the aggrieved person.
Nothing contained in clause (c) of sub-section (1) shall amount to domestic violence if the pursuit of course of conduct by the respondent was reasonable for his own protection or for the protection of his or another's property .
It is primarily meant to provide protection to the wife or female live-in partner from domestic violence at the hands of the husband or male live-in partner or his relatives. The law also extends its protection to women living in a household such as sisters, widows or mothers. Domestic violence includes actual abuse or the threat of abuse whether physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or economic. It also covers harassment by way of dowry demands. CHARLES SAATCHI AND NIGELLA LAWSON In June Lawson left her mari tal home following the very public assault by husband Charles Saatchi.She has had a traumatic time since photos emerged of her husband with his hand around her neck, for which Saatchi has accepted a police caution, and they have barely spoken to one another since. The couple have been granted a decree nisi. CHRIS BROWN & RIHANNA R&B singer Brown pleaded guilty in June 2009 to assault ing his former girlfriend and pop star Rihanna in February of that year. Brown's lawyers secured a last-minute deal that allowed him to avoid jail time and another public air ing of the domestic-violence allegations that had damaged his clean-cut image. Brown bit, punched and choked Rihanna after a pre-Grammy Awards party. BOBBY BROWN Singer Bobby Brown was charged with domestic vio lence after a December 2003 dispute with his then-wife Whitney Houston. Authorities reported that the incident left Houston, who is also a singer, with facial injuries. Brown turned himself in after cops were called to the couple's home. Houston's spokesperson later released a statement that read, “Brown is very apolo getic about what happened and hopes his wife forgives him.“
Charlie Sheen In 1996, Sheen, an actor, plead ed no contest to a misdemeanor charge of battery with serious bodily injury after he was accused of knocking then girlfriend Brittany Ashland to the floor. In 2011, accounts of battery resurfaced with his then-estranged wife Brook Mueller. Mueller alleged Sheen threatened her life and made anti-Semitic comments, how ever, the actor escaped arrest.
Tommy Lee pleaded no contest in April 1998 to a felony charge of spousal battery against his wife, former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson. Lee received a three-year suspended sen tence, was required to spend 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a total of $6,200 to a shelter for battered women. Anderson, who filed for divorce shortly after the incident, reportedly had hoped her husband would be spared jail time. YUKTA MOOKHEY The former Miss World has lodged an FIR against her hus band Prince Tuli, New York based businessman, for alleged domestic violence. An FIR has been registered under Section 498A (cruelty and harassment) and Section 377 (unnatural sex) of IPC. No arrest has been made. so far, the police said.
K.B. GANESH KUMAR IN A major embarrassment for Kerala Chief Minister Oommen Chandy, forests minister Ganesh Kumar and wife Yamini traded domestic violence charges.In his divorce plea, Kumar alleged that beaten up by his wife in front of his personal staff. Yamini hit back in a press conference saying that it was she who had been the victim of domestic violence for the last 16 years for questioning “illicit affairs“ of her husband. ZEENAT AMAN Zeenat Aman, the 70's siren's marriage to small time actor Mazhar Khan was far from peaceful. Aman used to be beaten up by her husband, which ultimately led to a divorce. Once, he even allegedly hit her at a party while guests watched.
Darshan Kannada film actor Darshan was arrested after his wife Vijayalaxmi accused him of domestic violence. The artiste allegedly threatened his wife and three-year-old son Vineeh at gun point following an argument.
Rahul Mahajan In 2008, Rahul Mahajan and Shweta Singh called off their marriage after two-and-a-half months; Shweta claimed she had been assaulted on a number of occasions. After one incident, Rahul left Shweta with a cut lip.
Dimpy Ganguly In 2010, Kolkata-based model Dimpy Ganguly walked out of her four-month-old marriage to Rahul Mahajan alleging domestic violence. SHWETA TIWARI Shweta Tiwari, who was once married to actor Raja Chowdhary, filed a police case against her husband three days before entering the Bigg Boss house. According to the actress, Raja used to hit her often when they were married.
by deccanchronicle
What is 498a?
Indian Penal Code 498a allows a woman and her family to make a written false complaint of dowry harassment to the police which results in the husband, his parents and relatives being immediately arrested without sufficient investigation and put behind bars without bail. Even if the 498a threat is false, you are presumed guilty until proven innocent.
498a can only be invoked by the wife or her relative. Most 498a cases are mere blackmail attempts by the wife or her close relatives. In most cases, a demand for a large sum of money is offered to the husband in exchange for settlement of the case out of court. There have been countless instances where, without any investigation, the police have arrested elderly parents, unmarried sisters, pregnant sister-in-laws and even 3 year old children. A typical case takes approximately 5-7 years and the conviction rate is only 2%.
There are fundamental problems with 498a in that it is 100% gender biased and singles out men as perpetrators of domestic violence and assumes that only women are victims.
In the United States domestic violence laws are gender neutral and provide protection to the victims, both men and women. If you reside in the United States please call us at (855)-WHY-498A today to set up an appointment with Mrs. Desai to provide you with a plan of action.
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Long Beach, CA 90807
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8711 St. Charles Rock Road
St. Louis, MO 63114
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